Vice Principal UnOfficed
Join host Lisa Hill, a retired vice principal as she shares her funny, wild, and sometimes woeful public education school stories that will not only leave you feeling like you’re listening to a comedy special, but wondering how the American K12 educational system endures.
Hill is a former teacher, school counselor, college professor, and vice principal who never planned on having a career in education. But, thanks to her father, god rest his soul, she did!
So, listen in as Lisa Hill reveals the crazy and entertaining K12 school antics that she experienced during her lengthly career in public education And who knows? You might just pick up a little nugget of knowledge along the way.
Vice Principal UnOfficed
School Leaders Who Think They’re Great: A Comedy Special - Part 2
Join host Lisa HIll for part 2 of School Leaders Who Think They're Great: A Comedy Special. Lisa will continue to share more unusual leadership skills some of her former bosses and colleagues used while attempting to manage the nut house. Correction, school house.
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Email me: vpunofficed@gmail.com
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On this episode of Vice Principal Unofficed. Join me, your host, lisa Hill, for part two of School Leaders who Think they're Great a comedy special. I'll share more unusual leadership skills some of my former bosses and colleagues used while attempting to manage the nut house. I mean schoolhouse, so let's get laughing and learning. Attention students, I mean listeners. The stories in this podcast are told from the host's personal and farcical point of view. All names and identifiers have been omitted or altered to protect identities. Now get to Vice Principal Unauficed. Hope you're all doing well. I wanted to give you a quick update on two things. One, my mom, or as everyone calls her, nana, had hip replacement surgery last week. Don't worry, we recorded this episode in advance and she's doing well. Knowing Nana, she'll be running marathons and sipping wine in no time. Gotta love that little Italian lady. And two, I had a glitch with the Vice Principal Unauficed Facebook page. It is now reloaded and the link is updated on my website. Thank you for your patience with this one. Alright, let's get into it. Here's part two of School Leaders who Think they're Great a comedy special. Like I said last week, I could tell K-12 public school leader stories all day long, which is kind of a scary thought when you think about it. But folks, rest assured, despite some of the self-imposed chaos that these school leaders created, I know they did their best, okay, okay, I'll admit that some school leaders best isn't even close to other school leaders absolute worst. But according to some K-12 public school boards, these special administrators were hired to do the job despite any flaws. So what are you going to do? Grab your popcorn and snap on those earbuds Because, as I say, you can't make this shit up. Oh, lisa Ann, sorry, mom, but even you found these school leader antics entertaining over the years. So let's jump into part two of School Leaders who Think they're Great, a comedy special.
Speaker 1:Now, as I've said before, being a K-12 public school leader is a balancing act. So many plates to keep spinning. It's really hard for a school leader to run back and forth in their big squeaky clown shoes trying as best they can to successfully perform their spinning plate act for the circus audience. Seriously, it is. Think about it. The poor clown of an administrator has to continually spin a budget cut plate, an angry parent plate, a dumb teacher decision plate, a student prank gone wrong plate, a broken vending machine plate, and somewhere amongst all the trivial plate shit is the instructional leadership plate, which is supposed to be the most important plate. The clown has to keep spinning, but this plate is usually the first plate that crashes to the floor. Why? Well, I think the instructional leadership plate crashes for one of two reasons. One, like I've said before, there are not enough hours in the day for a building school leader to complete all the tasks needed to keep those plates spinning. Or two, not all school leaders are good at creating and implementing solid classroom instruction, so they avoid the instructional leadership plate. I mean, becoming really good at classroom instruction takes practice Ask any teacher. And most school leaders simply don't have the time to practice their instructional leadership because there are way too many fucking plates to keep spinning.
Speaker 1:And I get it. I loved classroom instructional stuff but I avoided budgeting crap because numbers are hard for me, which I know sounds weird, but numbers appear backwards to me. I'm serious. I have to say individual numbers of a phone number out loud as I punch into my cell phone, because I mix up the numbers if I don't, and sometimes it takes me a couple of tries to punch in the number correctly. So obviously I avoid dealing with budget stuff. Don't worry, my husband. He was an econ major, so he's in charge of anything with numbers in our house.
Speaker 1:Not to mention, very few people can be great at everything a job requires of them. So a school leader who can spin all the plates really well is a rare find it is. Most people are just good at many aspects of their job, but not great. Of course there are those people who, well, they can only handle a few of their required job tasks, and even then it's questionable if the person is inept at their job or completely stressed out by their job. Either way, I've worked with some school leaders who avoid the heavy task plates and instead focus on spinning the plate of work a circus monkey could be hired to do. Don't believe me?
Speaker 1:Then let me tell you about one school superintendent I worked for who took on the job of wait for it getting the school mail. Every day, right after my lunch duty, I would head to my office and look out my office window. Hold on a minute. Yes, I actually had an office window, but only twice in my whole career. So every day I'd look out my office window and watch the superintendent walk down the street to get the school mail from the post office. Huh, I kid you not. The dude who was paid more than anyone else in the entire district had the task of getting the school mail. I don't know if this task was self-imposed, but it seemed like a waste of time and money for the superintendent to do it. I mean, think of all the plates a superintendent has to spin.
Speaker 1:Now, this town wasn't a little house on the prairie where you had to walk across the dirt road to get your mail and packages from the Wells Fargo wagon delivery. And I assume the town had a mailman to deliver the mail, considering we were in the latter half of the 20th century. I mean, I didn't see small groups of town folk gathering at noon as they waited for the daily mail-in-package distribution. But then again, maybe I was wrong. Oh guess what? I wasn't wrong. I'm rarely wrong. Just ask my husband. That is correct. Anyway, for some odd reason, male pickup was the duty of that superintendent at this district, and we wonder why it takes K-12 public education so long to evolve. Oh people, now, before I move on, I do want to say that no matter what position I worked in a school, I always jumped in to help and get the needed job done. So what I mean is I've mopped floors, picked up trash, moved, furniture, answered, phones subbed and more. I guess my parents raised me to understand that, even if it's not your job, pitch in.
Speaker 1:But allowing a superintendent to take a daily leisurely walk to get the mail uptown every day doesn't quite seem like a good use of taxpayer dollars. As for the mailman superintendent, they were extremely nice but kind of mumbled when they spoke. I really had to listen closely when the superintendent talked because their words would sound mushed together and at the time I didn't need a hearing aid though I probably need one now, and who knows, maybe the superintendent did too, because I don't ever recall them speaking publicly no graduation speech, no staff speeches. Speaking publicly no graduation speech, no staff speeches. Nothing that I can remember. But I do remember watching them eat a school lunch. Holy shit people. Food would literally fly out of this mailman extraordinaire's mouth when they were eating. No one wanted to sit too close and no one wanted to sit directly across from the superintendent during lunchtime. You know, come to think of it, maybe getting the school mail was about all this superintendent could handle, but you have to admit, watching this messy eater deliver a graduation speech would have been very entertaining, you know, kind of like watching the impressive clergyman officiate the marriage in the movie the Princess Bride and love to love will follow you forever, with a little extra spit, of course. Oh, please tell me you've watched Rob Reiner's the Princess Bride movie. It's a classic. Put it on your must-see list.
Speaker 1:Speaking of graduation speeches, as a vice principal I always had the privilege to be on stage for the graduation ceremony because I had to read the names of seniors as they came forward to receive their diploma, and I kind of liked it. I had a clear view of everyone in the audience, which I found to be very entertaining. I'd compare it to watching a great 80s comedy. You know sleeping grandpas, misbehaving children, photo-happy parents and the grumpy cat band director who just wanted to finish pomp and circumstance and go home, which is usually how I felt too by the time the damn ceremony was over home. Which is usually how I felt too by the time the damn ceremony was over. Because, believe me when I say some school leaders should not be allowed to speak at high school graduation ceremonies, why? Well, because, like I explained in part one, some school leaders suck at public speaking. In fact, I worked for one school superintendent who gave a whole new meaning to the dreaded graduation speech. Time out Stop that band. That song is way too dignified for this story. Ah, much better.
Speaker 1:Okay, now on with our story. You see, this long-winded bloat of a superintendent would drone on for what felt like an eternity. Two minutes in usually resulted in everyone tuning out, except for the communication director who had actually written the graduation speech for the superintendent. And every year I kind of look forward to watching the poor communication director work through a myriad of emotions as the superintendent navigated their way through their graduation speech. Sometimes during the superintendent's graduation speech, I would see the communication director move into their emotion of control and mouth the words the superintendent was saying or supposed to be saying. I think this ritual helped ease the fears of the communication director because they looked more at ease when their words matched what the superintendent was saying to the audience. However, I could tell when the superintendent was strained too far from the communication director's written speech, from the shade of red the communication director's face was turning One year. I watched the communication director hold their breath as their face turned redder than 99 red balloons. You know the song and it's kind of a fitting song, considering the song is about miscommunication and the fear of impending danger. Anyway, the look of reddened horror growing on the communication director's face made me glance at the superintendent.
Speaker 1:The leader of the school district, who made well over six figures, stood on the graduation stage at the podium, rubbing the inside corner of their eye with an ink pen while delivering their speech. This strange gesture grabbed the audience's attention, which was probably because rubbing your eye with an ink pen while giving a supposed motivating speech to youth that are about to embark on their life's journey isn't something a person sees every day. But wait, it gets better. For reasons I'll never know, the superintendent then drifted into a strange analogy of cell phones. The speech turned into a bit of an infomercial for the Sprint company, which I think is now T-Mobile. Regardless, the superintendent was comparing Sprint phone plans to parenting. I kid you not. I will say the superintendent's speech was a masterpiece of unintentional comedy. I glanced around and saw smiles, smirks, chuckles and pure confusion throughout the event center. One front row graduate was struggling so hard to hold in their laughter. They had actual tears running down their face by the end of the speech. And to top it off, the principal next to me got the giggles, full body twitches and all. I tried a subtle elbow jab to the ribs to stop them but failed. And by the end of the bloat of a superintendent's speech, we both let out an unfortunate and loud snort heard around the room. As for the superintendent, I have no idea what they're doing now, but I sure as hell hope it doesn't involve public speaking. Who knows, maybe they're selling cell phone plans. Unfortunately, this awful graduation speech was not the only bad speech I had to sit through during my career.
Speaker 1:I once worked for a principal I'll call Principal Simpleton, whose sole job at graduation was to introduce the valedictorian of the graduating class A rather simple task, if you ask me. Principal Simpleton began introducing the valedictorian praising this young graduate's outstanding grades, leadership skills, athletic abilities and, more Honestly, the kid earned it. They did it all. I thought Principal Simpleton did an okay job with their valedictorian introduction, until the end of the introduction that went something like this Folks, this young person, is to be commended for their accomplishments and is someone we should all be very impressed by. Not only is this valedictorian talented musically and athletically, but they are someone who is truly academically challenged. Did you catch that Principal Simpleton said academically challenged. Did you catch that Principal Simpleton said academically challenged? Of course the audience and graduates burst into laughter and Principal Simpleton turned beet red as they stumbled through the last few sentences of their speech. Then, with their still 99 red balloon face, principal Simpleton shook the valedictorian's hand. The valedictorian was a classy kid and handled the situation with grace, but that can happen when your students are smarter than the school leaders.
Speaker 1:Now I've worked with some school leaders who are very smart, have great personalities and truly know how to lead a school. But these same people also provided me with some needed comic relief. Over the years I had the opportunity to work with one 50-ish aged lady who took her job very seriously. She was always punctual, had her makeup in place and professionally dressed, which meant she wore a dress, pantyhose yes, I said pantyhose and heels every single day. Again, with the damn heels, come to think of it. I think I only saw this school leader in pants a few times and she never wore jeans. This fine lady also followed the school rules to AT, so much so that she carried a kitchen knife used to cut up her lunch in a cracker box because she felt so uncomfortable having a knife at school. For fuck's sake, it was a kitchen knife to cut up a lunch Whatever. But I did respect this woman so I knew not to joke around too much with her. She was a bit old school, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Work is work, play is play. Rarely, the two shall cross. Yeah, I can't operate that way, but I tried for the sake of my co-worker's sanity. Anyway, this fine lady and I worked on the second floor and, much like no air conditioning, there was no restroom on the second floor. The restroom was located on the first floor, just off the student commons area, and, as you can guess, it was no short walk to the restroom, especially if it was passing time, because you had to navigate your way through hundreds of kids making their way to the same restroom before their next class. Yes, there were faculty restrooms, but those restrooms were even further away. So my coworker and I resorted to using the same restroom as the kids. One day my coworker went downstairs and walked through the student commons area to use the restroom. Perfectly normal and perfectly okay, except it was passing time.
Speaker 1:So when this serious, matronly school leader finally made their way back upstairs, I about fell over as I watched her walk into her office. This dignified woman had mistakenly tucked the back of her billowy dress into her pantyhose, which meant everyone and their brother could see this stately woman's underwear. Now, at first I thought this is too funny. I'm going to see how long it takes her to notice, but I knew I had to tell her. When she came right back out of her office to talk to me about work, she clearly had no idea. The back of her dress was tucked into her pantyhose. Now, as you can probably guess, this serious leader of a lady was totally mortified and literally covered her mouth in horror. When I delivered the news that half of the student body had likely seen her underwear, she quickly yanked her dress out of her pantyhose and marched back into her office. She didn't leave her office for the rest of the day.
Speaker 1:Now, in case you didn't know, being a school leader sometimes requires you to do things you never thought a person in charge of running a school would do. Of course, some of the stuff a school leader gets to do is fun and other stuff not so much. Of course, I much prefer the fun stuff, because the fun stuff makes me think. Maybe this is why I stayed in education for 38 years. Then again, I still haven't solidified my answer on that.
Speaker 1:Okay, here's a little story on something fun that I got to do. I worked for one boss who was in charge of way too many spinning plates. The district office leaders pretty much had this person doing basically everything they didn't want to do. Their method of pass-the-buck leadership drove me fucking crazy, because that meant I was often left alone to run a large building, which I did an excellent job, if I do say so myself. Luckily, my boss trusted me and we became good friends. So on those rare occasions when she was in the building, we had a very good time. Don't worry, we still got the work done. Remember, it's okay to laugh and have a little fun at work. That's the stuff that builds camaraderie and, when done correctly, can increase productivity. So where was I with this story?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, one day my boss and I were asked to be taste testers for the culinary semester test. We were always happy to help our teachers. I mean, you don't have to tell us twice when food was involved. Plus, we usually loved the food concoctions our young student chefs created. I said usually. As for the taste testing semester test, my boss and I were asked to judge plates of pork chops and veggies. Of course my brain kept saying pork chops and applesauce Ain't that swell, like Peter Brady, you know from the Brady Bunch. Oh, for the love of goulash, which I love, my mom's goulash. Please tell me, everyone out there has watched at least one episode of the Brady Bunch. It was one of Sherwood Schwartz's greatest creations. And there was no applesauce. So veggies. It was Now.
Speaker 1:When my boss and I strolled into the classroom, we were greeted by a lineup of student-made plates that were arranged as if the kids were auditioning for Top Chef High School Edition. Some of these young chefs had real talent, and others, well, they tried. Oh, I should warn you, if you've never judged a taste test before, your stomach will be fuller than a lost and found bin at the end of a school year, and when pork chops are involved, that fullness hits fast. But I like a little competition. So, with my fork in hand, I powered through plate after plate like a true champion. My boss was equally determined and kept pace with me until we reached the final stretch. That's when she suddenly dropped her fork and walked out of the classroom without a word, which was a bit odd for her. I didn't think anything of my boss leaving the room.
Speaker 1:School leaders disappear all the time, usually to handle some stupid hallway crisis. I figured if my boss needed me, my walkie-talkie would start screeching. So I soldiered on my gut at capacity and finished my task. And sure enough, the moment I waddled back to the main office yes, I said waddled my walkie-talkie crackled to life with my boss's voice Lisa, come help me, I'm in the student restroom, I'm choking. I grabbed a colleague and ran. Well, I hobbled fast. I've had five knee surgeries, but in an emergency I can run like a young Forrest Gump hardware and all. But in an emergency, I can run like a young Forrest Gump hardware and all.
Speaker 1:So as we skidded into the bathroom, we could hear gagging noises coming from the stall, which was followed by a hoarse confession I'm choking on a pork chop. I paused for a second and then told my boss if she could talk. She wasn't totally choking. My colleague and I then heard a dramatic sigh like a middle schooler. Eventually, my boss stumbled out of the stall red-faced, teary-eyed and kind of gasping, half from near death and half from laughter. And then, in a final act of dignity loss, she admitted that she had peed herself. I looked at my boss and lost it. I asked her why she hadn't said something in the classroom. I didn't want to scare the kids or make them think I hated their pork chops. I responded with a quick clearly you did. To which my boss then croaked between laughs and coughs Fuck you, I'm never eating another damn pork chop ever again. And she meant it, because pork chops and public humiliation just don't mix. As for my boss, she really did go home because she really had peed herself.
Speaker 1:Like I told you earlier, you can't make this shit up. You know, folks, I could go on with dysfunctional K-12 school leadership stories all day long, which is kind of scary. But don't worry, a K-12 school has to have a leader. So there will be more school management mishap stories told in future episodes. So for now I'll give you a few more short clips. Like I once worked with one dear old administrator who had received a very nice state association award, of course the school wanted to honor this leader.
Speaker 1:So on the day of the celebration, this bashful Bowie stood in front of the entire staff and gave a heartwarming speech. Now I have to say that at any other time a speech like this would have moved people to tears, but this time, bashful Bowie's speech had a different effect. Bowie's speech had a different effect. As bashful Bowie was speaking, I looked around the room. Oddly. I could see some people with their lips pressed tightly together, while other people stared directly at the floor. And I saw a few staff members' shoulders shake as they failed at their attempt to choke back their little snorts of laughter. I wasn't sure what the staff found so funny. So I repositioned myself in the room, only to discover that Bashful Bowie had clearly used the restroom before this little ceremony. Or I hope they used the restroom because they had forgotten to zip up their pants before addressing the faculty. So there on display for everyone to see was the bottom of Bashful Boy's white dress shirt parading out the fly of their pants. It was as if the shirt was giving a little military salute. You know, sharp, magnified and always at attention. You get what I mean. I know you do. Oh, bashful Bowie, they never did live that one down.
Speaker 1:Anyway, the last tale I'll tell you is about a school leader who usually ruled with loving authority. However, there was one time this loving administrator gave the green light for a few senior boys to plastic wrap all of the lockers in the student commons. I'm talking about hundreds and hundreds of student lockers being plastic wrapped. Of course, this benevolent administrator made this decision in isolation. Remember when I said earlier that making leadership decisions in isolation is a bad idea? Well, it just is, because when students and staff arrived at school that day, all hell broke loose. Kids were mad because they couldn't get in their locker, teachers were mad because kids were going to be late for class and they already had little instructional time with kids. Custodians were mad because they knew they'd be the ones on cleanup duty, and the attendance secretary was mad because their job was to code student attendance and their workload had just quadrupled. As for me, I wasn't mad. I was actually perplexed by the whole situation, and this was one of the few times in my career that I just went to my office and closed the door. I've seen them come, I've seen them go. Where they've gone, I do not know.
Speaker 1:Yes, folks, I've been extremely blessed to work with many unique administrators who have said and done some very peculiar things while trying to keep the school circus plates spinning. Their work was much like the Dr Seuss book. If I Ran a Circus, you know, and I quote the circus McGurkis, the cream of the cream. The circus McGurkis, the circus supreme. The circus McGurkis colossal, stupendous, astounding, fantastic, terrific, tremendous. End quote. Well, I'm not sure if their work was astounding, fantastic, terrific, tremendous, but more along the lines of confounding, a bit spastic, horrific and senseless.
Speaker 1:And while I'm sure these school leaders' intentions were well-intended, I have to wonder what in the hell were they thinking? I know that K-12 public schools are required to have licensed school leaders who meet the qualifications for the job, but birdseed as a discipline tactic Nasty grammy baskets, ink pens in your eye or, better yet, stealing from the student food pantry and sleeping on the job with drool. Come on, how do these people ever get selected for a school leadership job? Then again, maybe these school leaders were great when they started but truly lost all common sense when the stress of the job finally took its toll on them, because it can be extremely exhausting trying to run a school building full of hedonistic youth, egotistical teachers and totally imperceptive parents, and don't forget the power-hungry school board.
Speaker 1:There were many years I had to work 50 to 70-hour work weeks as a vice principal, while still parenting two kids and a husband. The work never seemed to end, especially during homecoming week. Jesus, I hate homecoming week, but those long work weeks were simply expected. They weren't right, but they were expected. And I'm all about hard work, but no one ever puts on their gravestone that a person worked harder and longer than anyone else. So I think you can understand that the never-ending work can drive a person crazy, especially when working with kids. Luckily, after the pandemic happened, people woke up a little bit and realized working shouldn't be the main focus of a person's life 24-7. And the good old boy system of I'm in charge, so do what I say, but don't expect me to do what I say, even though I make more money than you. Yeah, those days are kind of gone. Plus, grown-ass adults should be smart enough to figure out how to balance their work life and be trusted to do so. I said should.
Speaker 1:So who do good school leaders, please first? Definitely not the school board. The teachers? No, because no matter what a school leader does, some teacher's still gonna hate the poor bastard in the morning. The parents? No, because parents look at their child through rose-colored glasses. Do good school leaders choose to put themselves first? No, because odds are they've never put themselves first. So why start now? Unless the school leader is a narcissist, you know the type of idiot who'd bring a mirror to a rescue mission just to make sure they're still the star of the show. Luckily, those people never last too long on the job.
Speaker 1:Do school leaders put students first? Yep, they do. K-12 education should always be about the students. I mean, isn't that why public education was invented? So, despite what some political leaders, school board members, district office personnel, teachers or parents think, children should always come first in K-12 education. Though there will always be school leaders who don't quite get it and implement things like a pickle and potato character education program, or offer parents a sprint parenting plan upon the graduation of their child, with a free ink pen included with sign up. Or those school leaders who choke not only on their food but on their choice of words choke not only on their food but on their choice of words.
Speaker 1:So, in this ever hectic, wild and demanding world of education, I want to thank all school leaders for what they do their ability to spin the plates of insufficient budgets, irate parents, foolish federal and state mandates, pompous ass school board members, teachers who possess every type of personality known to this world and, of course, crazy kids, is truly astonishing. Keep up the good work and thank you. Your stories are colossal, confounding, stupendous, astounding, terrific, horrific, tremendous and senseless, fantastic and a bit spastic Well, at least I think so. Well, kids, the dismissal bell is ringing. So until next time on.
Speaker 1:Vice Principal on Office, push in your chair, put your name on your paper, be kind to your classmates, put away your phone and use your indoor voice, or not. Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoyed the tales from Vice Principal on Office as much as I enjoyed sharing them, and it is also my hope that you were not only entertained by this episode, but that you walked away with a little nugget of knowledge that gave you some insight on how working in a school is not for the faint of heart. Like I've said before, life is short, so you gotta do the best you can to leave the world in a better place than when you got here. And, of course, for the love of God, see the humor in life. It's a lot more fun and a little easier to get through the ick in life with a smile on your face. Trust me, with what I've experienced throughout my career, I'd be like a cantankerous geriatric lady who makes coffee, nervous if I hadn't smiled through the ick. Catch you next week on Vice Principal on Office.
Speaker 1:Next week on Vice Principal on Office, join me, lisa Hill, as I tell you some tales of faculty members who just couldn't quite follow all the school rules. These stories will make you laugh but at the same time leaving you wondering if these educators failed their good choices. 101 class From having a total lack of common sense to literally breaking the law. Some of the K-12 public school educators I've worked with made me wonder how these people survived adulthood, let alone secured employment. So tune in, because this is one episode you won't want to miss. Hey, students I mean listeners thanks again for tuning in and if you've enjoyed today's show, please leave me a review. It really helps grow the show. And don't forget to hit the follow button so you don't miss an episode. Trust me, you don't want to be late for this detention. And, listeners, if you've got a school story of your own that you'd like to share with Vice Principal in Office, I'd love to hear it. Just head over to my podcast website and fan mail, or email me your story and, who knows, your story might even get a shout out on a future episode. Thanks so much for listening and for your support.
Speaker 1:Vice Principal in Office is an independent podcast with everything you hear done by me, lisa Hill, and supported through Buzzsprout. Any information from today's show, along with any links and resources, are available in the show's notes. So if you want to do a little homework and dive deeper into anything I've mentioned, head over to my podcast website and check it out. And a big thank you to Matthew Chiam with Pixabee for the show's marvelous theme music and, of course, a huge shout out to my mother. This podcast is for the purpose of entertainment only, like the recess of your day, and not a platform for debates about public education, though you never know, you could learn something. And just a reminder that the stories shared in this podcast represent one lens which is based on my personal experiences and interpretations, and also reflect my unique perspective through humor, names, dates and interpretations. And also I'll reflect my unique perspective through humor. Names, dates and places have been changed or admitted to protect identities and should not be considered universally applicable. Until next time, keep laughing and learning.
