Vice Principal UnOfficed

3 Rules, People!

• Lisa Hill • Season 2025 • Episode 5

Share episode

Join host Lisa Hill as she shares stories about faculty members who just couldn't quite follow all the school rules. These stories will make you laugh but at the same time leave you wondering if these educators failed their Good Choices 101 class. From having a total lack of common-sense, to literally breaking the law, some of these K12 public school educators will make you wonder how these people survive adulthood, let alone secure employment. 

Contact me through "Fan Mail", or

Email me: vpunofficed@gmail.com

Check out photos from each Vice Principal UnOfficed episode at:

Resources used for Vice Principal UnOfficed can be found here.

Thanks for listening!

#KeepLaughing&Learning

Speaker 1:

This episode of Vice Principal Unauficed may contain content that could be upsetting or triggering to some listeners. Topics mentioned may be related to sexual exploitation. Listener discretion is advised. If you find these themes uncomfortable or overwhelming, please skip this episode. Welcome back to Vice Principal Unauficed.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for joining me, your host, lisa Hill, as I tell you some tales about faculty members who just couldn't quite follow all the school rules. From mind-boggling lapses in common judgment to skirting the law like it's an elective, some of the K-12 public school educators I've worked with left me genuinely puzzled, wondering how these people ever managed to navigate adulthood, let alone land a job with actual responsibilities. So fire up your favorite podcast platform and let's get laughing and learning. Trust me, your ears will thank you. Attention students I mean listeners. The stories in this podcast are told from the host's personal and farcical point of view. All names and identifiers have been omitted or altered to protect identities. Now get to class and enjoy the show.

Speaker 1:

Hello folks, before we dive into our new episode, I just want to thank everyone for all the love and support for Vice Principal on Office. My mom and I truly appreciate it and we're having a blast with this new adventure. Also, a quick update on my mom, or Nana, to all of you. She is recovering well from her hip surgery. I feel so blessed to be spending so much time with my mom in my retirement. I cherish every moment with that little Italian lady.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I'd better jump into our Three Rules People episode because, as you know, it's only a matter of time before my mom starts reprimanding me again, and I gotta say I have many tales to tell about K-12 educators who couldn't quite follow all the school rules, despite those rules being spelled out in the employee handbook, federal and state laws and the duh section of one's conscience, which might lead you to ask me how hard can it be to follow the do's, don'ts and seriously don'ts guidebook if your job is working with kids, especially if you're the one that's supposed to teach kids how to follow the rules of life, opposed to teach kids how to follow the rules of life Apparently? It's really, really, really hard for some adults to follow the do's, don'ts and seriously don'ts guidebook, though unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly why it's hard for some of these grown-ass adults to follow rules and laws, but I can tell you that most K-12 public schools make their employees sign some form of acknowledgement that confirms they have read and understand the Do's, don'ts and Seriously Don'ts guidebook which drives their work and citizenship. And if a school doesn't, well, that's on them. But seriously, I witnessed some strange work ethic shit that you cannot make up. Really, lisa Ann, this is your continued word choice. Sorry, mom, but it's true.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes the adults were worse than the kids, from kleptomaniac teachers to coaches decorating their office with a life-size cutout of the Dos Equis' Most Interesting man in the World. I think I've seen it all, though I gotta say the Dos Equis dude was handsome, but beer displays in public schools are a huge no-no. Believe me when I say some of the decisions school employees made while at work were mind-blowing, which is why I titled this episode Three Rules People. Of course I really wanted to call this episode hey Staff, just Do your Frickin' Job and let's Make a Deal that you Will Do your Job and Won't Steal or Touch Kidddos okay, because the stories in this episode about staff following rules are probably one of the top reasons why I finally decided to retire.

Speaker 1:

Both times, I'm telling you, during my 38-year career, there were weeks that the adults kept me way busier than the kids did, which is why, when I became an administrator, I'd stand before the staff at the start of every school year and ask them to follow three simple rules. I even threw out prizes during this annual meeting to staff who could correctly name the three simple rules. Remember, despite the seriousness of my three simple rules, you still got to have fun. Anyway, I promised our team that if they followed my three simple rules, they would have a great year and a great career and my workload would be cut in half. So what are my three simple rules? Well, they're pretty simple. They are one don't touch kids. Two don't steal. And three just do your damn job. Yep, pretty simple, don't you think? Of course, no, not quite. I mean, I thought these three simple rules were pretty self-explanatory and incredibly easy to follow, because these rules did cover state and federal laws and any lengthy employee handbook shit. But apparently some employees didn't quite understand these three simple rules. Or they fell asleep during my yearly 10-minute lecture these three simple rules or they fell asleep during my yearly 10-minute lecture.

Speaker 1:

Cause, whoa baby, robert Zemeckis was right when he had Forrest Gump say stupid is as stupid does. Oh, tell me, everyone out there has at least watched one scene from Forrest Gump. I was very, very pregnant. When I saw Forrest Gump at a movie theater, my husband and I also saw my obstetrician and priest at the movie, which was probably a weird omen of things to come. Now I know we all do stupid things at work and even in life sometimes, because life happens. So maybe these school employees that did stupid shit were tired or preoccupied with family priorities, or maybe they were just bored. Boredom is usually what gets me. Yeah, I'll be the first to admit, I've done some stupid things at work because I was bored, which is weird because there's not a lot of downtime when working in a K-12 school.

Speaker 1:

It's true, kids are only in public school for about 180 days a year, so working in a school means it's peddled with a medal for those 180 days Because, unlike the business world, public schools have a short window to crank out their product before shutting down production for three months, and to me that feels a little archaic. I mean, it's 2025. Shouldn't K-12 schools be year-round by now? I believe the product schools are producing is one of the most important products needed in America today. What product could K-12 schools possibly produce? Glad you asked and here's your answer. K-12 schools have the responsibility of producing high quality instruction in numerous curricular areas that advance kids' learning, so kids are prepared for our future. Yes, I said our future because, like Whitney Houston saying, we need to teach students well because they are our future and they will have to take care of us in our old age.

Speaker 1:

Sorry for the rant. Let me get back to boredom and tell you a story of what happened when I became bored at school. One professional development day, when students were not at school, a colleague and I actually took a couch out of the staff lounge and hauled it across the building to a teacher's classroom, only to put the couch across the teacher's desk for fun. I remember one summer when I was required to work, my colleagues and I papered someone's office because we were bored. Yes, we had finished our required work and then decided to have some fun. Don't believe me? Check out the photo I uploaded to my Instagram. You can find the link on my vice principal and office website. You can find the link on my vice principal and office website.

Speaker 1:

So, as you can clearly see, I don't do well with a lot of downtime and I'm pretty sure I was that kid in school, honest to God. I remember putting a tack on my third grade teacher's chair, which leads me to ask myself one, why did I do that? And two, how bored was I to come up with that idea? I don't know. You know, I should probably apologize to my teachers or, better yet, maybe they should apologize to me Because I was bored at school and did just enough to turn a B in any class. I mean, b's got me into college and graduate school and B's got me jobs, so B's it was.

Speaker 1:

As for me and my career, I always delivered quality work on time and, yes, even the stupid tasks that made me question my career choice were done on time and well, made me question my career choice were done on time and well, and my yearly reviews were great, except I once had a boss that told me I worked too fast and another boss that said I needed to develop more patience with people Easily two of the strangest critiques I've ever received. For the love of golf goals, people. If my biggest flaws were efficiency and a perceived lack of patience remember, I have a master's degree in counseling well then, I was a pretty damn good employee, because not only did I do my job, I did it well, not to mention, I never stole anything. My parents would have killed me if I stole something and of course, I never touched a kid beyond a light hug when needed, with other people watching, of course, or maybe a fist bump or high five, because there's a line a school employee never crosses when it comes to kids. At least sane adults never, ever cross that line. At least sane adults never, ever cross that line.

Speaker 1:

Now, being a mom of boys and working in K-12 schools for a long time, I'm just going to say kids are gross. Yeah, some kids are grosser than others and luckily 95% of kids grow out of their grossness, but kids are gross, gross. I mean. Just watching kids attempt to get through a school day solidifies my thinking. Greasy hair, zits, body odor, bad makeup attempts, braces, unbrushed furry teeth. Doesn't matter what grade kids are in, they're gross. Well, except kindergartners they're cute, I know.

Speaker 1:

I remember my teenage years battling greasy hair like it was my full-time job, and sometimes I washed my hair twice a day just to keep the oil slick under control. My face was always covered in enough zit cream to resemble a science experiment, but luckily, thanks to my gene pool, I dodged the braces bullet, though I can't promise you, I always brushed my teeth. Yet somehow, despite all my mishaps, my teenage brain was convinced I was totally crushing it. Looking back on old pictures I am now totally convinced I was not. And I think boys are even worse. Remember, I'm a boy mom, so I can say that Because I lived with these little stinky grease monsters for years. I'm telling you the sheer level of stench a teenage boy can produce is beyond nauseating. So why any adult would think a member of the Awkward Adventures is appealing is beyond me. Clearly, any adult who thinks a teenage boy is even a little bit attractive has lost all ability to make any good decision in their life. I mean yuck. Sorry, my dear sons, I loved you then and I still do. But yuck to those grade school through high school years because they were more often than not disgusting.

Speaker 1:

Even before I officially started my career, I learned that there were K-12 educators who were just stupid. When I was in college I did my student teaching practicum at a few different public schools. One practicum placed me at a school where the supervising teacher never showed up. The person literally threw me the keys to the classroom on day one and said lock up when you're done. So I did. Luckily for me, there was another teacher who took me under their wings One day. I asked that angel of a teacher why my supervising teacher was never around. It turned out my supervising teacher had recently remarried and was likely going home during their school day to be with their new spouse. Oh, newlyweds, you gotta love them, right? Well, not so fast. My supervising teacher had married one of their former students who had just graduated the previous school year. Um folks, there are only three months between school years. You hear what I'm saying? That's not good.

Speaker 1:

Now I believe rule number one of my three simple rules is the most important rule Don't touch kids. Yet there are K-12 dumbass educators who keep breaking it. And why? Just why it can't be that hard to follow the fucking laws designed to protect children, especially if you're a K-12 educator. You should know that, according to the US Department of Education, title IX is a non-discrimination mandate that requires public schools to quickly respond to any misconduct that is seen as sex discrimination, which includes sexual violence and other forms of sexual harassment. Public schools are also required to train staff who are involved in Title IX compliance and handle complaints, which means public schools must also have a Title IX coordinator If public schools fail to follow Title IX requirements, they risk losing federal funding. It's also probably good for you to know that not all employees are required to receive training under Title IX, but I definitely recommend it. Me too.

Speaker 1:

I was given the role of a level one investigator for the title nine reporting process in multiple school buildings. Of course, this was also one more plate I had to keep spinning to ensure student safety. And no, I didn't get paid extra for taking the role. And when I took my appointed role of level one investigator, I never thought I'd actually have to do anything because I thought educators would follow the law. Of course, this was just wishful thinking or my naivete, because, man, there were boneheaded educators out there who never, ever, should have been allowed to be around children. Even my teddy bear knows that's the truth. You need to know that.

Speaker 1:

I hate talking about sexual exploitation in schools, but I think it's a topic that needs to be discussed, and I have to say that investigating a sexual exploitation case was absolutely the worst part of my career. Not to mention, I never understood, and still don't understand, how a K-12 school employee can break my first rule Don't touch kids. But employees did, no matter what role I was in teacher, counselor or vice principal. Learning about that kind of behavior from my colleagues absolutely tore me apart and my heart broke for the child and their family who had to deal with such evilness. But my job as a level one investigator was to investigate the case and work through the Title IX process. Yet over time I learned to compartmentalize my emotions to ensure every sexual exploitation case received the due diligence it deserved. Of course, some of the details I uncovered made me want to throw up or throat punch the perpetrator. Yet I always remained professional and kept my true feelings hidden from the victim and their family, which is probably why I learned to compartmentalize my feelings.

Speaker 1:

You know what always blew my mind with these Title IX cases? It was learning that a colleague I had worked alongside and considered a friend had committed such an unspeakable act. These deviant scumbags were masters at the art of deception. Their lies flowed smoother than a politician's campaign promises, and that's pretty smooth. Of course my heart wanted to believe these idiots, because who would hurt a child? But my head told me to listen what these deviant dumbasses were really saying, because that's where the truth would be found.

Speaker 1:

I remember my body's reaction to one of the last Title IX cases I investigated, like it was yesterday. By that point in my career my brain had mastered the art of completely shutting off my emotions. I just sat at that table asking my questions and taking notes like a well-programmed machine. But what really scared me was how empty I felt Even as the staff member recounted the awful details of the case. It was then that I realized I compartmentalized a little too well. You should know I'm a person full of life, I operate with optimism, I love life and I know I'm only here for a short period of time, so I make the most of life and have fun. But that level one investigator shit took a toll on me. I hated the feeling of utter emptiness. It was eerie. Of course I know I wasn't the one who had been violated, but after years of hearing so many disturbing cases, I think my brain simply decided to protect me. I remember feeling not only numb to what I was hearing but completely exhausted during that very last case. But there was no time for a break. You can't just set aside a Title IX case for another day. These cases require immediate action and the rest of my work still had to get done. Keep in mind I was a licensed educator, not Detective Olivia Benson from Law and Order SVU, but I completed my level one investigation and kept all the other school plates spinning, regardless of my emotional capacity. How sad is that? Very, very sad.

Speaker 1:

Now I'm not going to share any details from the sexual exploitation cases I've handled, but I do want to shed a little light on traits predators share, such as subtle manipulations, carefully crafted deceptions and a disturbing ability to groom their victims. And, from my experience, the educators I turned in all had one thing in common they were narcissistic. If there's one thing a narcissist excels at, it's earning people's trust, and the longer I worked in K-12 education, the better I became at spotting the red flags they threw out. It's like when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up or your gut instinct kicks in. You just know. So you learn to keep one eye open whenever the icky person is in the room, and more often than not, my instincts were right. Of course, we all know that we live in a society where people are innocent until proven guilty. That's the rule.

Speaker 1:

But in K-12 education, observing adult behavior and truly listening to what is being said or not said became crucial, because sometimes the biggest warning signs aren't in what someone does, it's in the way they make you feel, and I wish I could say that. My first rule don't touch kids worked with staff, but unfortunately it didn't. But I'm still sticking with my first rule people Don't touch kids, just don't, yeah, okay, moving on, my second rule for K-12 school employees is don't steal. Pretty simple rule, don't you think? I think so, seriously, aren't we all taught in an early age not to steal? Even Hollywood movies provide the moral that bad things can happen to people who steal, though I don't think Hollywood heeds its own advice, but it really should. I mean really, it really should. I mean really really should, because the advice Hollywood movies gave audiences was good advice and done in an entertaining way. I'm serious, think about it.

Speaker 1:

Hollywood has produced a memorable kids movie on what happens to people who steal for every generation. In the 70s, director Mel Stewart gave us Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Our hearts broke as Charlie Bucket returned his everlasting gobstopper to Willy Wonka as an apology for stealing a little fizzy lifting drink. Hell, charlie's gesture was so appreciated it landed the kid a frickin' chocolate factory. Now that's a great lesson in why not to steal. A person could get their own chocolate factory and own a flying elevator for not stealing. And in the 80s children hid behind their popcorn boxes as they watched the Goonies sabotage the Fratelli family's plan of stealing One-Eyed Willie's loot. Of course the kids kept some jewels they found, but I think they deserved a little reward. And how much fun would that day have been as a kid. What a great movie. Thank you, steven Spielberg. Of course the 90s gave us Christopher Columbus's movie Home Alone. You can't tell me you didn't root for Kevin McAllister as he wittingly defended his home from the wet bandits. That kid was a genius.

Speaker 1:

And in the 2000s Hollywood attempted a remake of Willy Wonka. But man, that was a twisted movie. Willy Wonka picks Charlie over the other kids because he was the best behaved. But Charlie's reward is an invitation to go and live with Willy Wonka and work in the chocolate factory. Thank God Charlie said no. The ending of this movie's version was terrible. Talk about creepy and a possible level one investigation what the hell? No offense, mr Depp, but I prefer Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka. I mean, no one else but Johnny Depp can play Captain Jack Sparrow, so no one else but Gene Wilder can play Willy Wonka, if you get what I mean, willy Wonka, if you get what I mean. Anyway, the lesson of why people shouldn't steal has continuously played out in the entertainment world for decades. Yet there are still people who grow up and freaking steal. Don't believe me? Listen to this next story.

Speaker 1:

I once worked with a PE teacher who figured out that any classroom equipment they requested was always approved, no questions asked. It didn't matter what they ordered. The budget office rubber-stamped their request every single time and no administrator ever stopped to ask hey, do we really need six pogo sticks and a fog machine for PE? So naturally, this PE teacher saw an opportunity and, being a little competitive, as PE teachers often are, they turned their spring budget request into a personal game. You see, every year the PE teacher would up the ante and order slightly pricier items, just to see if anyone would notice. And guess what Nobody ever did.

Speaker 1:

Then one fateful year, the PE teacher decided to go big and be all in for the win and submitted an order for wait for it a pool table. Yes, you heard me, a full-size, taxpayer-funded pool table. Now, the last time I checked, billiards 101 was not part of any PE curriculum. So the only logical reason for ordering this thing was because they could but get this. The pool table was never set up at school Nope, never, rumor has it. The thing ended up in the PE teacher's basement. How did that happen, you ask? Well, spring budget orders come in over the summer and most schools are ghost towns in the summer. So you do the math. Now. Some of you are probably laughing at this story, while others are likely clutching their pearls in horror at this story. Either way, let's be clear that pool table was bought with taxpayer dollars. So ordering a luxury game table under the guise of physical education and then hauling it home, yeah, that's theft. See why I say don't steal. I think so, which leads me to another story.

Speaker 1:

As you've heard me share in previous episodes, one of my many glamorous vice principal duties involved supervising high school football games Rain, snow, hurricane, force winds or a heat wave hot enough to bake cookies on the bleachers. School administrators were required to stand outside for five plus hours making sure students and some adults didn't turn the game into a WWE event. Meanwhile, the district office folks, who made way more money than I did, somehow managed the option to supervise from their living room couch or a bar stool. So my assigned post was standing at the front gate of the stadium looking for drunk students and possibly drunk parents. This was also where the ticket booth was located and where people handed over their hard-earned cash for tickets and then entered the game. But here's where the story gets interesting. The ticket booth had a back door that was always wide open, and by wide open I mean anyone with the same sneaky confidence as a high school student trying to ditch gym class could just stroll into the ticket booth. But here's the real kicker At the end of the night, all the money collected from ticket sales was unceremoniously dumped into a couple five-gallon plastic pickle buckets.

Speaker 1:

That's right, pickle buckets. Oh good lord, again with the pickles. There was no fancy cash box, no security bag, just a couple buckets that once held industrial grade dill pickles. Then, during the last quarter of the game, a certain employee would grab the lidless buckets, casually, walk across the street and enter the school building alone. No escort, no security, just this certain employee and a couple giant pickle buckets full of unaccounted cash, swinging at their side like they were carrying takeout.

Speaker 1:

When I asked about this highly questionable accounting system, I was met with the classic oh, that's just how we've always been. Now I'm not saying that employee took money, but when there's no system of checks and balances, we're basically operating on the honor system with cash. And this was the same employee who had cash stored in all sorts of places in their office file folders, desk drawers, cupboards I mean all sorts of places. Strangely enough, not long after I pointed out the pickle bucket problem, the back door to the ticket booth started staying locked and a real process that involved checks and balances was put in place. It's amazing how fast things change when someone starts asking hey, is this normal Moral of the story? If your school's financial security plan involves old condiment containers, it might be time for an upgrade.

Speaker 1:

And here's my last story on simple rule number two. On simple rule number two, I discovered yet another employee money collection disaster. When I asked about receipts for customers buying from a student-run sale, the answer receipts. Nah, they never bothered with those. Instead, the teacher just jotted down names and amounts collected on a scrap of notebook paper.

Speaker 1:

But wait, it gets better. This teacher then took the money home to count it. Folks, I can't even. I mean, who does that? Not me, right? Listen, I get it. Everyone loves a bit of DIY bookkeeping, but with public money and taking fundraising money home to count it solo. That's like trusting a toddler to babysit your phone while you nap. Not a good idea, common sense right? Apparently not, because this was the same teacher who took kids on a yearly trip overseas with the money from the student-run sale. Only this teacher would ask each student to cough up an extra $500 to $700 of spending money for the trip $700 of spending money for the trip and then the teacher would place the spending money collected from the students in their own personal account. But don't worry, the teacher always promised parents any leftover spending money would be returned after the trip. Spoiler alert very little spending money was ever returned. And here's the plot twist the countries the kids traveled to did not use American dollars, so the kids probably had no idea how much they were actually spending. Because you know they're kids, they didn't take the time to calculate the US dollar conversion because they were too busy being excited about the trip to notice their teacher was basically running a one-person bank.

Speaker 1:

Eventually, the new school leadership team became aware of this Ponzi scheme and put an end to the teacher's cash cow. And guess what? The teacher left public education for greener pastures. But here's the real punchline. The new teacher who took over the student run sale earned double the amount of money. I said double. So what does that tell you? It's like trying to pay for a $5 coffee and then you look at the receipt in confusion and think how did I just get charged $10? Did I accidentally sign up for a mystery box? Nope, not a mystery, just a lack of integrity and common sense, which, sadly, some teachers seem to skip over like a boring section of the employee handbook.

Speaker 1:

Look, we all know education doesn't exactly make educators millionaires. But, as I've said before, we're in the human services field because we want to help humans, not help ourselves to their hard-earned cash. So, for the love of all things decent, stop trying to play sneaky Santa with the school money, I mean. Rule number two of don't steal is really simple. So follow it. Keep your job and maybe your integrity, while you're at it. Which leads me to my last three simple rules Just do your job. My last rule isn't complicated. Seriously, how hard is it to just do the job you were hired to do? Sure, life happens and unexpected things can throw off a workday, but most of the time a person can still do their job if they will just do their job. Yeah, now, if you know anything about K-12 education which I assume you do, since you're listening to my podcast then you know that the main job of an educator is to help kids learn. But keeping a school running takes more than just teachers. It's a full ecosystem. Schools need custodians, secretaries, security staff leaders, cooks and, of course, teachers. And yet over the years, I've learned a hard truth Some school employees simply cannot do their job. Which brings me to the Peter Principle. If you haven't heard of it, here's a quick rundown. If you haven't heard of it, here's a quick rundown.

Speaker 1:

In 1969, two guys, lawrence Peter and Raymond Hall, wrote a book called the Peter Principle why Things Always Go Wrong. It's a short, satirical read, but the message is painfully real. People and organizations tend to be promoted until they've reached their level of incompetence. In other words, just because someone excels at one job doesn't mean they'll succeed at the next level. Yet companies and schools keep promoting people based on past performance not actual qualifications for the next role. Not actual qualifications for the next role. I actually did an essay on this book to pass my college writing competency requirement and I passed. So what all this means is just because someone is a fantastic salesman doesn't mean they'll be great as a sales manager.

Speaker 1:

In schools, they're one of the biggest offenders when it comes to the Peter Principle. Too often educators are promoted based on their longevity rather than their ability to handle the responsibilities of the next role, and sometimes it's just HR not knowing what else to do with an employee. So, up the ladder they go to a job they simply cannot do, and that frustrated the hell out of me. Let me give you an example. I once worked with a school leader who was phenomenal at their job. They transformed their school building. Staff, students and parents were all happier under their leadership, so naturally, they were promoted to a district-level position.

Speaker 1:

Great right? Nope, not great at all. While this person excelled at running a school building, they had no idea how to lead at the district level. Under their leadership, student scores dropped year after year, attendance tanked and behavioral issues spiraled out of control. Eventually they stepped aside. But here's the scary part this person never seemed to realize they weren't cut out for that role and because of that they never just did their job. Not because they didn't want to, but because they simply couldn't. And trust me, everyone knew it. Sad, isn't it? I think so. So throughout my career, there were times when I thought some school employees were just lazy and didn't want to do their job. Other times I realized they simply didn't have the skills to do it. It reminded me of being a classroom teacher trying to determine whether a student's lack of performance was due to skill or will.

Speaker 1:

The same principle applies to adults and, let's be honest, sometimes it's just hard to tell, which is why I have rule number three. Just do your job is why I have rule number three Just do your job. Of course, doing your job sometimes means helping your colleagues, because schools are a microcosm of society, so employees need to support each other beyond just surviving. I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard the phrase that's above my pay grade or that's below my pay grade. I could have retired a whole lot earlier. Frankly, I hate those damn phrases and folks. I hate to tell you, but nothing is above or below your pay grade, nothing. I can't even count the number of times. No matter my position, I helped people just do their job.

Speaker 1:

I remember starting at a new school and stepping in to help the custodian clean the cafeteria tables after lunch. The look on their face was heartbreaking. This person barely knew me and hesitated before asking me why I was helping them, because they believe vice principals didn't do that kind of thing. My response why shouldn't I help? We're all on the same team. We're working towards the same goal. That custodian was stunned. But listen, I watched enough Barney episodes when my kids were little to understand the value of everyone pitching in. You remember the cleanup song, right? That big purple dinosaur knew what he was talking about, though in our house my sons made up their own version of the cleanup song Clean up, clean up. Dad's got dirty underwear. Not exactly what Barney had in mind, but hey, it got the job done. I saw the same thing happen with a school secretary. They were drowning in paperwork and convinced they'd never finish on time. When I sat down to help, the secretary looked at me like I had three heads, but I reminded them that we were on the same team.

Speaker 1:

That's what a team does. They stand up and help each other, just do their job, no matter what position they serve in an organization. Yes, every organization has a hierarchy, pay grades and specific job duties, but employees are far more likely to go beyond just doing their job when they are in an environment where leadership fosters teamwork and mutual respect. Sure, there will be bad days, but when people know their leader has their back and is willing to roll up their sleeves alongside them, they'll rise to the occasion and comply with rule number three just do your job. And honestly, if more school leaders or any leaders for that matter got their suits dirty every once in a while, maybe rules one and two wouldn't have so many violations. Wouldn't have so many violations. Then again, maybe I'm being too optimistic about all of this, but my three rules for employees are ridiculously simple to follow.

Speaker 1:

Seriously, how hard can it be for a grown adult to 1. Not touch a kid, 2. Not steal and 3 and just do their job? I swear some of these school employees' brains are missing their ethics chip, or maybe they're just plain evil, I don't know. But what I do know is that K-12 schools are insanely busy places. So how in the hell do these schmucks find time to be so deceitful? Do you realize the amount of time and energy a person would need to break rules one and two?

Speaker 1:

Most days, I could barely find the time to do my actual job, let alone squeeze in illegal activity, unless it was a boring professional development day. But honestly, that illegal crap looks exhausting. How much sleep do these people lose breaking the law? I cherish whatever sleep I can get, because I've never slept well. The idea of tossing and turning all night over a crime that could cost me my job, my family and my sanity no thanks. Anyway, if I do say so myself, which I'm gonna my three rules pretty much cover everything in the Do's, don'ts and Seriously Don'ts guidebook. Seriously they do. Yeah, yes, the rule breakers I encountered created a ton of extra work for me, but then again, maybe I should thank them because their screw-ups gave me some wildly entertaining stories, which I promise you will hear more of in future episodes. Until then, don't forget to clean up, clean up. School should be about trust and care. Clean up, clean up. I'm talking to you idiots over there. Clean up, clean up. I'm talking to you idiots over there. Well, kids, the dismissal bell is ringing. So until next time on.

Speaker 1:

Vice Principal, on Office, push in your chair, put your name on your paper, be kind to your classmates, put away your phone and use your indoor voice, or not. Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoyed the tales from Vice Principal and Office, as much as I enjoyed sharing them, and it is also my hope that you were not only entertained by this episode, but that you walked away with a little nugget of knowledge that gave you some insight on how working in a school is not for the faint of heart. And don't forget life is short, so you gotta do the best you can to leave the world in a better place than when you got here. And, of course, for the love of God, see the humor in life. It's a lot more fun and a little easier to get through the ick in life with a smile on your face. Trust me, with what I've experienced throughout my career, I'd be like a tough, salty biker babe who's basically one sarcastic comment away from starting a riot if I hadn't smiled through the ick.

Speaker 1:

Catch you in two weeks on Vice Principal Unauficed. Next time on Vice Principal Unauficed. Join me, lisa Hill, as I explain one job that every school needs, but not everyone wants to try or should try to do. What is this job, you ask? It's the job of being a paraprofessional or teacher, associate, aid assistant, helper or whatever title you want to give the job. The job ain't always easy, but it does make for some funny school stories. So take a walk into the paraprofessional experience as I open up my lesson plan and share some quirky tales about paraprofessionals. God bless them.

Speaker 1:

Hey students, I mean listeners. Thanks again for tuning in and if you've enjoyed today's show, please leave me a review. It really helps grow the show. And don't forget to hit the follow button so you don't miss an episode. Trust me, you don't want to be late for this detention. And, listeners, if you've got a school story of your own that you'd like to share with Vice Principal on Office, I'd love to hear it. Just head over to my podcast website and fan mail or email me. Your story and, who knows, your story might even get a shout out on a future episode. Thanks so much for listening and for your support.

Speaker 1:

Vice Principal and Office is an independent podcast with everything you hear done by me, lisa Hill, and supported through Buzzsprout. Any information from today's show, along with any links and resources, are available in the show's notes. So if you want to do a little homework and dive deeper into anything I've mentioned, head over to my podcast website and check it out. And a big thank you to Matthew Chiam, with Pitsby, for the show's marvelous theme music and, of course, a huge shout out to my mother. This podcast is for the purpose of entertainment only, like the recess of your day, and not a platform for debates about public education. Though you never know, you could learn something. Something and just a reminder that the stories shared in this podcast represent one lens which is based on my personal experiences and interpretations, and also reflect my unique perspective through humor. Names, dates and places have been changed or admitted to protect identities and should not be considered universally applicable until next time, keep laughing and learning.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Mom

Guest